Dilemma and Disappointment

Not quite a good start for the beginning of June as I'm drowned by dilemma and disappointment. Yes! All these happened on the first day of June.

Let's talk about my dilemma first. My church used to have a good group of youth. However, since the marriage of the youth leader and her migration to the States, the youth group kind off flew off with her too. Besides that, many left for education purposes and there are not many left in the church. In April, I was kinda hinted to get involved in the youth ministry. Well, at least I considered it as a hint. Ever since then, I kept wanting to mention it to the church but I fail to have some guts. The heart wants to do it but due to my weaknesses, I tried to brush the thought away many times but it never fail to come back from time-to-time. Yesterday, the feeling came back strong and I talked to Bear about it. However, as he was encouraging me, my brain started to think of all the "what ifs". What if the desire is only temporary? What if I want to quit halfway? What if I fail? What if I don't do well? What if I'm not a good leader? What if I can;t think of ideas when I need to? What if I'm not consistent in organising activities? What if others don't like my activities? What if I don't understand the needs of other youth? What if I'm too boring for them? Trust me, there were more running passed my brain. The whole day, I was weighing the heart's desire and "what ifs" but I still fail to get a clear answer. Best of all, Pastor Tan preached on "Successful as a Christian" in church that night. The 3Rs (Revelation, Resolution and Reformation) he shared spoke straight to my heart. Guess I haven't been a sucessful Christian huh.. He offered alter calls and I do not know what glued me back to my seat. Maybe the flesh is not ready yet. I just need another confirmation before I really go into it. I really need to know for sure that it is what God wants me to do. 

Next, disappointment. We got to know about a 8-days Japan trip which was way cheap! We thought we got a good deal. Only RM2,400 per person with air tickets, accommodation and meals included. Hyper! My uncle went and asked around in other traveling agency and the cheapest was RM5k! My family was so happy and 12 of us signed up with deposit paid. We were so excited that we went hunting for winter clothes but they are so expensive! My granny followed my uncle to the mall EVERY WEEK to make sure that they don't miss the sales, if there are any. My family had already bought long john (RM52), gloves (RM21) and wool socks (RM8) from Sawks in Dataran Pahlawan. Yes, we were very excited. Our happiness came crashing down went Bear told us that they trip is on hold and maybe, cancelled. The agent of the traveling company was afraid that we would get cheated as the Hong Kong trip, which suppose to take place in June, got postponed 3 freaking times! Besides that, the company kept asking for more money. Frequent postponing and asking for more money don't seem to be a good sign. Hence, the agent was afraid that the same situation would happen to us too, so he put Japan on hold. The deposit will be returned to us but we were all very down. I have even chosen my sweater from Universal Traveler. October was the month we were looking forward to but now, I think it is better if it never come.

Like everyone, I hope June will be nice to me. Oh, results is out. I passed but she got 4 flat again. Kinda feel...discouraged. A new semester begins tomorrow and many killer subjects this time. I will try work harder..